D-r-e-a-m-e-r

This Year.

2011-10-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

This year has been tough. You know, we all think at certain points in our life that we are all grown up and ready to face the world, but the truth is that we aren't. It's just like how the drunk don't proclaim they're drunk and only the attention-seeking high people do. I've always been under the idea that I grew the hell up this year compared to last year's roller coaster, but the fact is that i haven't. There is no simple way to put this except that it's not a knowledge- its a sort of realisation, an internalisation. You know when you're young, you put your focus and energy on all sorts of unimportant things that suck your time and strength. There are influences everywhere that give you the false idea that what we are doing is the right thing. Drama shows and television envisage the perfect romance in high school, they show the successful people as the ones with all the fame and popularity but the truth is that; the people who make it biggest in life is the ones that spend their life doing what is asked of them and more. The really successful people have their education path all planned and only when they're ready, they indulge in fun. You know like how I used to laugh at nerds and scoff at them for studying all the time? I regret. They're in every way,right.

We're young, we want romance, we want fun. Everybody can understand that. We're all young once but the thing is, what you enjoy now, you pay for later. Tts a give and take process, one in the purest form. I dont know if what im saying applies to the majority but for me, its true. I wasted my childhood trying to keep my friends close to me, to make myself popular, to make myself friends with everybody but it all back-fired on me. You know one thing i realise? Its that the best and simplest friendships evolve when you dont even put any effort in to make it happen. Maybe this is what people mean when they say

"you have to learn the hard way."

I did learn the hard way hough. Romance; another thing i wasted my childhood trying to perfect. The times i told myself that i wouldn't like someone, but i did. The number of times i wasted my life making opportunities happen so i can meet the perfect guy when in actual fact, i actually never really cared for the perfect guy. I never really cared about getting into a relationship even.

Maybe its time my priorities changed.

Focus on the small things and the big things will automatically fall in place.

i cant say i've grown up. i dare not say that. But i can definitely say that i'm going to change. Who i am now isn't the former me. i used to be nice and now i think i just suck. Lastly to end off, if you're still my friend even though you saw me at my worst, you must be damn stupid for putting up with me. But thankyou, for loving me through it all. :')

A.

Study.

2011-09-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

12.19am Yes, I need to study. Currently, I'm waiting for my mum to come home so I can finally see her because ever since she has been on project Unleashed, I barely see her. Okay, fine. I'm making this way more dramatic than it really is but the thing is that I haven't seen her in only two days lol. Oh, and I have an emath paper tomorrow. Can I just cry and die now? Time-management. Do paper: 1.5 hours tomorrow then 30 min to sleep haha!

1.43am ok forget I give up waiting. My eyes super puffy now cause I just bawled like a baby watching some drama. Go watch mei le jia you leh! Mike He my favvv <3 Really, I'm going to sleep already.

2.36am Momma~~ Why you not coming home yet..... Okay nvm forget it. I am going to switch off my lights now. As in, NOW. Goodnight!

A.

Really quite dumb.

2011-08-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

You know like a dumb facebook quiz can affect me so much just shows how important you are to me right. I really treated you like my friend, my best friend. When you were sad and you called me, I told my parents to drop me off at your house after dinner. I hurried them to eat faster so I can talk to you faster. I didn't have to; but I did, because you were important to me. When you were having troubles of all sorts, I tried my best to help. Even though the suggestions I gave were damn dumb and seriously of no use to anybody but then I made sure I made you laugh, I wanted you happy.

For a dumb reason like you were scared there were too many people on your best friend list so you did not include my name was really too much for me. It's not that I really want my name to appear on the list you know; but knowing me for four years, you should know that I'm really damn sensitive to these kind of stuff cause I have so many failed friendships that I really realise that I dont't have many friends. I'm so scared everybody will go away one day that I want all my friends just around me and not go away. Am I making sense?

I know I'm not a good friend sometimes because I make fun of you and I do crazy things that nobody can understand but then you know what I told you about the story of the shopkeeper? I already gave my 50% discount to you but then I realise that I'm not worth your 50% discount too.

It makes me feel like a really bad friend. And actually I don't care who is reading this, I just want to say everything out here. I really wanted to tell you on the phone just now but then later I'll sound like some loser.

It's okay actually, I'm just acting crazy again but I'll be fine soon :) I still love you very much as a friend and I hope I'll be good enough to earn that 1% so that I can be 100% too.
A.

Belong

2011-08-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: belong
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: be part of, be in proper place

Why can't I belong anywhere? I'm not satisfied with my life now. There's no meaning to anything I do. Is this what they mean by living like you're dead? Because I certainly don't feel very alive right now.
A.

Recently.

2011-08-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

I still haven't finished my real fake letter to chung cheng leh. I'll do it, soon. Recently I have a lot of stuff to say but I keep forgetting my train of thoughts because I'm living in a whirlpool of activity everyday. You know like instead of studying till I seriously cannot take it and vomit out contextual knowledge, I'm just immersing myself in tuition to force myself to study and then coming back home to watch shows and dramas and just not have to think. I really don't know how to study, I don't know where I want to go and it bothers me that I have 101 other important things to do besides sit down and memorise stuff or write something of significance down. I'll regret this, I know it. But at the same time I can't help it. Maybe I should quarantine myself, just move away to another house, another part of Singapore until I can figure what to do with myself then move back and face everybody. Maybe I should just migrate away because, I'm tired. Tired of being here. Has it ever happened to anybody else? Because if for such a small matter I were to feel alone then that would really suck. I don't care, I'm just going to pretend that many many other people are like me: aimless, lifeless and useless. Seriously, I don't want to be here anymore. But in actual fact, I think the problem lies with me? It's like wherever I go, trouble follows me. Basically, that's just it isn't it? I'm my own problem.

~~But I can't help but be, me.~~
A.

Birdy: The A Team.

2011-08-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

Its too cold outside for angels to fly.

A.

The real fake open letter to Lo Chee Lin.

2011-07-31T09:31:00.000-07:00

You know what I feel like doing? I feel like writing an open letter to Lo Chee Lin about my personal displeasure with this ridiculous school. If I did, this is probably how it would look like:

Dear, Mr Lo Chee Lin- Principal of CCHMS
Thankyou for being our principal and being an icon of significance albeit only showing your face at events that require you repeating your speech about "90% hard work and 10% talent" and your typical money-raising plans for upgrading the school that seems to be perfectly fine.

First of all, I admire your dedication to the school and even though I have never seen you do anything except plan speeches that get re-used year by year and try your best to inculcate the love for Chung Cheng, however, it is all to no avail. Let's start on the PRIME project. After about 9 months of dust and drilling, we get a rectangular block the construction people would like to call a 'building' and with only 2 floors, you expect to house CCH spectators, parents, teachers and partiipants. That is without counting the other participating school and the people that would turn up on days for the annual Wushu competition. The makeshift canteen on the first floor is shabbily put together and the upstairs basketball court is more than a waste of space. Having the luxury of land space and height space (presuming you did not have a problem with getting a permit from the govenrnment about building the ISH higher), why did you not consider to build it more space-consciously? There is hardly space for people to move around once the boundaries are set up for competitions and definitely no chair space for sitting so everybody has to stand. A man of your intellect did not stop to think of this problem?

Secondly,the new infrastructure being upgraded around the school although looks newer and is apparently better, I do not see any changes in our current problems. Rather, all the new buildings have spoilt the natural "chung cheng feel" that the school should be proud to have. With stairways linking everywhere now, the school looks like it is trying to imitate a drawbridge at every corner. There is no more "green roof top and dirty grey buildings" but all white washed and when put together with the grand auditorium that has been "preserved", does not match at all. In the first place, the lake and grad audi are places that the school preserve as part of an effort to conserve historical sights but after the thoughtless renovations, they look like objects left behind; forgotten to be renewed instead of infrastructure that we ought to be proud of. Seniors and past students step back into chung cheng with less and less motivation to even visit the school anymore because they cannot feel a sense of belonging or familiarity with anything here.

Also, the thoughtlessness does not end here. Our main problem in the school is rainy days and how places get flooded and there are not enough shelters. Rather than building linkages everywhere and treating students and teachers alike as unable to waste even a second of their own time to climb to a common linkage, why not build better shelters that would actually block out the rain and allow us to cross from building to building on the ground floor? I would really like to question the amount of money wasted unnecessarily.

Of course, money is the least of our problems because of our generous alumni (of which the chairman drives a Bentley) who constantly help our school raise funds or provide us with monetary means to better the school. The bigger problem is the hypocrisy and the ironic mentality that the school happens to adopt. Saving the environment. Three simple words that a school boasting of being awarded the School Excellence Award cannot even uphold. Ever since we have moved to the new makeshift canteen there has been no efforts (or none that I know of) to try and ease the use of Styrofoam plate, bowls and takeaway boxes. The utensils are made of plastic as well and although I would not like to condemn the canteen staff for being lazy to wash or even their excuses of being unable to find a place convenient enough for them to wash, there is really no other reason for a school of this prestigious background to make a mistake like that. The negative effects of using Styrofoam are huge and I'm sure an intelligent man like yourself can understand that by using google you can find about 1710000 articles about it and from there using your high intelligence, you can deduce that this is not a good long term solution. Also by simple mathematics, you can surely calculate that-all based on assumptions, (1800 students + 250 teachers and teaching staff) x (2 meals consisting of recess and lunch) x (5 days a week) = 20500 styrofoam utensils used a week. That is not counting that the canteen officially shifted during april so once again 20500 x 3 months = 61500 styrofoam used to harm the environment. These are figures that I seriously do not understand and they honestly pose a serious threat to our environment.

Lastly, on a more personal level I am not happy with the school's disciplinary means. What is this about getting in-house suspension on your first time being late? That is preposterous and sick. As principal of our school, your honestly expect students to waste their precious time sitting at the grand audi sweating their socks off and self-study instead of going to class and listening to important lessons that teachers spend a lot of time preparing?

~~I'm tired and I shall continue this letter next time lol. but im not done complaining, thats for sure!~~
A.

My cute girl.

2011-07-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

Hi wujing. If you see this then I'm still very sorry about today. I just was abit crazy I think? You know that I'll always be like that and I know you'll always be like that too. 习惯就好是不是~ I think my irritating-ness and your blurness won't change overnight but I still love you ok!

Okay so today besides making myself look damn dumb and letting everybody think I'm weird, I caught Harry Potter with my bbycakes TanJieHui! We were like 2 greedy kidz who ate and ate! Okay first we had sandwich then yogurt then korean ramen/rice cake. Okay never going to eat so much ever again, swear! The movie was not bad but after reading the book nothing can compare of course! Seriously I think I cried like 3 times minimum during the movie. This is the show that I grew up with, everyone of those characters I'll remember for life! Actually it's not that I couldn't watch it earlier, I'm sure the cinema atmosphere would have been better but then like I just didn't want my HP journey to end so soon I guess. It would make me even more sad if the atmosphere ended with people in all directions crying and of course me being one of them! So, yes I stand by my decision to catch it later :)

Also, last friday I went to the HTC likes awards with weilin, germaine and my icky yucky bro~ It was definitely fun and I became damn excited and spammed twitter like at least 50+ tweets during that 2-3 hours. Madness. But to be honest I went to see Jayesslee and also Derrick Ho. Who knew I'd be so crazy over Jay Park afterall? I blame the ambience hahaha. But then again his skin really like tofu.... mmm.

Some teeny tiny picture i ripped from derrick ho's weibo

Okay ending this off with one of the songs jayesslee sang that night. They're crazy-good! Janice and sonia are damn QT lah haha! Watch till the end for tofu-skinned Jay Park~ yup that's all!

Btw I think I'm very bad but I didn't put anything about plain white t's okay hmm... here's their wiki page! For those who are fans you can have fun looking haha.
A.

Cherishing.

2011-07-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Today I attended my great grandma's funeral. I wasn't very sad in the first place but then I knew me being me, there were bound to be tears. The truth was that I only saw ah ma on days like CNY which was once a year so it wasn't a particularly close relationship though she treated me well and I've always liked her. She left peacefully according to my dad; I'm glad. She'd been suffering for awhile and had contracted pneumonia so 3/4 of her lungs were filled with water. It's painful to know that life is so fragile. You'd think that we were made of stronger stuff but no, we all die.

I didn't cry today, I would've but then I didn't want to hold the responsibility of starting off a chain reaction. Tears are contagious, I've learnt. Upon arriving at the funeral, the first words I heard were form my grandaunt and she looked at my grandma with red-rimmed eyes and said: 妈妈走了。My heart fell at that point. My grandaunt was always a strong woman and it truly was a depressing sight. My mum told me that the reason grandaunt had always insisted on working even though she could already retire was because she felt a responsibility to take care of my ah ma. She didn't want to use anybody else's money to support ah ma so she kept on working.

So selfish. I realised I've been so selfish. There was once when I was young and I had a nightmare. I think I was only seven and still lived at my old house which was one block away from my grandma's house. During the school holidays, my grandma would walk over every morning and fetch my brother and I to her house. There was one particular morning that I didn't wake up and when grandma dragged me out of bed I was pissed of course so I shouted at her. I had had a nightmare that night which was the reason why I overslept. I dreamt my grandma had passed away and had woken up crying.

It was a terrible feeling. Above all, my grandparents are the best people in the world and I love them the most. I told my grandma she was the reason I overslept. I had dreamt of her passing and didn't dare to sleep anymore in case the dream continued. So childish, I know. But the good thing is that 9 years on, I'm now 16 and my beautiful grandma is still alive and cute as ever.

I guess what I want to say is that really, we should cherish people close to us every waking moment of our lives. Be it a family member, a friend or even someone you do not particularly like, I'm going to learn to love them all. Dying isn't the opposite of life. Just the lack of it. I'm going to learn to live.
A.

H2O.

2011-07-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Having my mother around when I'm on a #loseweight diet is super helpful because she's the most unsympathetic human being around. Whenever I'm peckish and want to eat some biscuits or whatever shit I happened to find in the house, she always manages to find out before I actually do eat it and she stops me from eating. She basically says NO and asks me to go DRINK WATER trolololol. So now my only weapon against drinking water is eating yoghurt.

I don't know if I have told anybody about this before but I really hate drinking water. Like so bland and tasteless. Seriously super turn-off. When I was young, I'd do stupid things like add salt or sugar into my water then drink it so that it'd have a little bit of flavour at least hahaha.

Anyway the good news is that somehow I think I've become slimmer? But of course I seriously doubt it~ Anything to make myself feel better. Vanilla yogurt from Yoplait is seriously good btw. I used to only eat strawberry yogurt last time and now vanilla's my favourite!!! Another brand that I think is good is Dairy Farmers' strawberry cream? I think if I'm not wrong those are great too! But honestly, I've become an expert on dietary methods to make my dieting life easier. I never knew that milk-related calcium products help diets!!

And speaking of milk, I want to fly to Hokkaido now pl0x. I want to go and indulge myself in their milk products. I think I'd eat ice cream and drink milk everyday if I were there. Just sayin' hahahahaha.
A.

Long Hair

2011-07-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

Have long hair so troublesome. Blow dry need a gazillion + 1 years.
A.

Filial Piety.

2011-06-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

I saw a video just now and I think I learnt a lot of things from it. All sorts of things, but curiously enough; I'm supposed to know all this stuff already. Simple theories like filial piety and obeying instructions haven't exactly been my forte, mainly because since I was young the people I know I loved and the people I could very proudly say that I love them have been anybody but my parents. It's weird to say this but somehow I never really learned to love them. There was always striking a balance between obeying them, fighting them and loving them. Doing all those things together-at the same time proved to be more than difficult. I first realised this when I was quite young. I asked myself a stupid question- If my parents died, would I cry at their funeral? I never found myself saying yes. Usually I skipped this question altogether and went on thinking about how I would cry less at my grandparent's funeral (touch wood) or best friend's funeral (practically holding on to a wooden plank for dear life).

Fundamentally, there is something wrong with me. Nobody doesn't love their parents like I do right? But the video did make sense when it said that people who cannot even love their parents have no rights to talk about love and loyalty between friends. There's just no way you can not love the people that brought you up; clothed you and fed you yet love everybody else. That's just you being fake. So, I learned something today.
A.

120.

2011-06-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

If you count from today, it's 120 days to O's. Yeah, scary. I was doing last minute homework and packing a while ago and I realised this was one of the few times that I actually did more homework than I ever have for any of the holidays in Chung Cheng. I must say, I'm proud of me. I can't deny that I hardly put in 50% of my best effort this holiday but I really did try. There was so much going on, mostly me procrastinating and making excuses; I almost am regretful I didn't do more. But the time has passed already, guess I just got to keep moving forward and hope motivation falls from the sky. To be honest, I don't even know where I want to go yet. Jc/poly it all sounds bad to me.

I feel ready. Ready to try and keep awake in class; ready to try and learn something. My mum just told me that I didn't have to like it, I just got to be prepared for it. So, I am. It's hard to fathom the fact that the next time I'm able to do nothing and rot at home is in November. Just that thought scares me, makes me want to quit. Why isn't this like a game? I'd have pressed stop long ago. I'm hoping that I don't regret. Please let whatever I'm doing be enough. And please don't let me oversleep. Amen.
A.

Prove you wrong.

2011-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

I'll succeed.

Watch me.
A.

Always Important.

2011-06-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you'll get to see this but if you do one day then I'm very happy you did! I haven't been talking much to you this year and last but thankyou for always being there for me when I need you anyway. It's amazing that we talk about everything and anything and I always feel that whatever I do, you'll never judge me. Somwhow or other you're always happy and even when you're not, you always keep up a happy front for others to see. I remember our Hua Mulan date that was super long ago and also dance club and many many other things with you! Thankyou for everything and I hope we really meet up soon. Like a real proper one. Love you, J! oh and,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR CHENGCHENG

Our toot days hehehe

And one more picture cause you look cute here!!

Oh and lastly, all the best in your studies alright. You're so smart, I'm extremely sure you'll do very very well okay!
A.

Type of happiness from within.

2011-06-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

Went out with my dear girl Tan Jie Hui on monday! Had the most fun time doing all things retarded and laughing about every single little thing. I love going out with her just because we always do nothing much but cheer each other on and laugh like little kids. If you see this bby, know that I love you!

Don't think I've ever mentioned but Yong Tau Foo is my favourite food of all time! If there happens to be anytime I cannot decide what to eat or I'm feeling lazy, I'll eat Yong Tau Foo! I feel like it's so homely and a happy food! Probably cause my grandfather used to being me go eat it all the time :')

We both bought the cutest pair of shorts that day and I'm eggcited+1 to wear it!!! It's super cute and I feel like a cheerleader when I wear it hahaha. Also, knowing me when it comes to buying stuff, I got myself a new pair of Charles and Keith today..... in magenta! Baixue and I couldn't decide what colour it was cause she insisted it was pink and I swore it looked purple haha! Love hanging out with them : )

Jiehui and I came up with a theory that day. Friends are separated into 3 different categories. Your world, your universe and your outerspace. All I can say is I'm very happy being with the people in my world. They give me a feeling that I know I'm being looked after-if that makes sense?

Besides all this happy episodes, Friday saw me (and baixue,zhuzhen,pb and gang) in some pub brawl. Most immature shit I've seen. Seriously speechless except the fact that well, guy should never hit girls. Let that be a golden rule. The images I saw that day were so sickening, thinking of it makes me angry!

Anyway, in a bid to stay healthy and slim down, I've got be up in 5 hours time to go jogging with my aunt, yeah... Hope it helps though. I'm really trying this time!
A.

Food For Thought.

2011-06-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

True isn't it?
A.

Cutest thing in the world.

2011-06-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

The cutest thing in the world is Hello Kitty Yeah I know everybody tells me it's a mouth-less cat but seriously stare at it long enough and you'll fall in love okay! So, I'm going to share my love for Hello Kitty by showing all the things related to it. Maybe some people might change their minds about this cat afterall!

Anyway I just got home from a midnight supper thingy with my family at Big Splash and the inspiration for this post came from my QT momma that got me a Hello Kitty purse-bag from some legitimate store in Penang so yes huge love! So I felt a need to spread the love and yup here are some of the pictures I collect, don't tell me after seeing it you don't get even a little eggcited??

Okay seriously, tell me you're at least a little happy seeing so many pictures of this snow white cat with a rose red ribbon? Haha if by now you're not the least eggcited it's okay because I'm already stoked! I feel like going to Japan just to see and explore the Hello Kitty stores! Oh my goodness-euphoria!

That aside, I still have SDP tomorrow. Granted I'm leaving early cause I have math tuition. It's quite scary to know that the person/people I text the most are my tutors cause I have to arrange tuition timings with them haha! Anyway today was one of the more relaxed days of my life. Even though I had nowhere to go, I was comfortable exactly where I was. Home :')

Oh and, I talked to an old friend today. Someone that somehow knows me a bit more than I know myself. Hi, C. So yes, the conclusion to a good day! Time check: 1.50am, the start of a good day then!

A.

Occupied.

2011-06-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

Monophobia: The fear of being alone.

Today is one of the rare days where I have nothing on and I finished my tuition early so me being me, I took out my phone and scrolled through the contacts trying to find someone to go out with. Nobody. It isn't that there's nobody that I can find to go out with me per se, it's just I can't find anybody comfortable to go out with. Like I just want to sit there and not talk. Not have to fill up the awkward silence with meaningless conversations. I contradict myself when I say this but I don't want to be alone yet I don't want to have to meet up with insignificant people just to fill the loneliness.

Basically, I'm afraid of being alone. I don't want to be thought of as some loser that has to constantly be surrounded by people but the truth is, I am. This problem has been around since as long as I can remember. I remember when I was 7 and in Primary school. I'd walk to the canteen and see all the new girls sitting by themselves. There and then I decided never to be like that. I never wanted to be seen going anywhere by myself. Never.

I could say it was a psychologically related problem but mostly it's just me trying to keep myself as busy as possible because I don't want to be thought of as uselss, replaceable and alone.

Over time I've been getting better at this though. There are actually times now when I wouldn't mind heading out on my own because it gives me time to think and to breathe. So yeah, I can't expect every person I meet to be a comfortable friend so I'll just have to rough it through till I find a way to be comfortable all on my own. Everybody feels alone from time to time right?

right?

Great Love.

2011-06-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

I really cannot take it at this moment and I seriously need to say that I'm very very depressed with Gossip Girl's episode 22. Season 4 has been round after round of heartache and turmoil for everybody. There's so much going on that I don't like but most of all, I want Chuck and Blair together. Blair says that they have a Great Love that cannot be denied but if that is true- why run away from it? It might be unfair for Louis but what about Chuck? The fact is that his only family left in the world now is Blair.

I really miss the days in season one and two when they were still in school. When things were all about who wore what and bitchy girls in Constance and St Jude's. I even miss the days when annoying Jenny Humphrey was around because Raina Thorpe, Juliet and Charlie/Ivy are people who are just plain evil. Gossip Girl will always be my favourite show. I'll watch again someday when I'm ready to re-experience the heartaches and drama. For now, I just hope with all my heart that Chuck will be fine. He'll love again but never a love like the one he had with Blair. That one was special, it was the love he would love the most.

"We bring out the worst in each other. With him, she was happy. That's the Blair I love."

Obssessions.

2011-06-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

Being at home definitely has its benefits. As I'm typing this, picture a 16 year old girl resting her laptop on top of a pile of worksheets that the school teachers would like to call "holiday homework". Her hair is in a messy bun and she is wearing spectacles,dressed in last night's pajamas. Me ; )

Anyway besides the unglam image, staying at home has given me time to pursue my two favorite hobbies of all times- spamming drama and hyperventilating over nail designs!

Trust me on this. Watching Skins would let you believe your life isn't as bad as it seems to be!

Very cute and Mike He super charismatic. I can seriously just die watching him!!!

Classic. You just can't not love it.

Funny! Plus geeks are all the rage now isn't it? Basically watching it for sheldon cause he's the cutest nerd alive!!

Sweet story and you get to see Patty Hou, why not right???

So, yes drama makes me so eggcited hahaha. I'm thinking of starting Vampire Diaries and another Taiwan drama soon. And probably even Korean dramas if I think I won't die from sleepless nights first. Okay but that's not all. I seriously think nail art is underestimated. Just seeing pictures make me so happy, happier than food!! Which speaks a lot since food is like heaven already to me : )

See see see, get what I mean? Sometimes I wish I had like 10 pairs of hand and feet so I can keep doing my nails. The addiction is that bad. I know anther person who is as addicted to nail colours and it's my math tuition teacher! She's so much worse though. I've never seen her without nail polish on her fingers before and cause gel nails are longer-lasting so she's been doing gel nails for the past 6 months or so already! The chemical to remove the gel polish causes her to have irritated skin especially around the cuticle area but then she just continues to do her nails cause she's addicted!! If I become like that one day.... I think I'd still do my nails anyway hahaha. Okay I got to go continue writing my Okonkwo essay. I seriously don't get why Darrell Tan doesn't allow typewritten essays. Oh well!
A.

SPAZZFACE

2011-06-09T01:45:00.000-07:00

NOW I AM CURRENTLY EXTREMELY EXCITED AND HAPPY BECAUSE SOMEHOW MY DIETING PLAN HAS WORKED TO A MILD PERCENTAGE OF 15% BUT NONETHELESS, I'M ON THE WAY TO BEING SLIM! (CUE HAPPY SONG AND STANDING OVATION FROM AUDIENCE)

Besides that of course, I'm going to share the few things that have caught my eye the past few days : )

I feel like tattoo-ing my.....walls hahahaha! I think posting inspirational quotes would help me be motivated.

Cannot take it, hello kitty things are extremely QT!! But then again if I were to wear these specs nobody would take me seriously LOLOLOL.

Feel like reliving the days that I had my nude nails. The bright orange is somewhat distracting and very loud.

Can't wait to move house! I already have some sort of bedroom design in my mind. I'm thinking white,wood and cosy : )

Today's SDP was less productive and more comfortable I guess. It feels super good to come to a school where the people are there to study just as you are and you don't see people you don't wish to see plus people who don't wish to see you, well they don't too : ) Very win-win situation and that's a good thing! Basically, the past few days have been happy days and okay now I got to go do my workout routine in an even bigger attempt to not end up like the very kyute and fatfat Mr Ng from SDP ; )
A.

Be careful what you wish for.

2011-06-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

"Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it"

-The Pussycat dolls.

On a personal level, I'd be more careful of the things I say and who I say them to. It's so hard to actually differentiate the people around you and find out who are the people that ask out of concern rather than curiosity. I admit that I'm the worst type of friend to have. I depend on everything and anything I can lay my hands on. As long as you give me a feeling that I can rely on you; I will. I don't want people to leave me because I'm selfish yet I don't want people to rely on me either, because I'm unpredictable. So many times through the course of my 16 years I've made mistakes. The same ones: over and over again.

Taking the bus home today, I had flashbacks of all sorts. Things I've said to different people and feelings of regret for having said some; others for never having said them. Sometimes I wish I could rewind time and take back everything I said, to have the chance to change things because now I know better. Perhaps it's a way of learning- albeit the hard way, but we still learn. I trust people too easily. More often than not, I let the thrill of forging a new friendship excite me so much to the point that I forget to ask myself whether these new people I'm meeting; can they be trusted?

Secrets are only words until we give them the power to make or break us.

If this is the path I'm going along, sooner or later I'll find that I'm the most lonely person in the entire planet. There's nobody for me to rely on, I don't know who to befriend and I don't know who I am. To advocate change, start from yourself. Therefore I am going to try changing starting from me. En-route to making myself better, if there are still going to be people that are not happy with who I am; at least by then I can say it's personal. Nothing to do with the way I carry myself, nothing to do with me being me.

A.

SDP.

2011-06-06T09:11:00.001-07:00

Today I went for my first ever SDP and I think it was actually productive. I spent like hours just drowning in my physics and listening to music on my left ear and though it was kind of tiring; definitely worth it. The school seriously takes us for pigs or something cause there's food every 1.5 hours and I'm supposed to be on a diet so I've to cut down on like, everything. It felt good having some time and space to really sit down and work hard cause the simple fact is that I can't study at home cause I'll end up sleeping or watching some show. I can't study out either cause I'll end up watching some movie or shopping or even just stoning. So yes, I'm thankful for SDP.

I think all teachers are much, much nicer during the holidays too. They slackened off on all the usual stuff and are so, happy? I don't even know how to describe it. They seem to have all taken happy pills or something to that effect hahaha. Besides all that, the school is so much more peaceful during the holidays as well. Like there are much less people, less distractions and everything's better. I can safely say that SDP is making me love my secondary school for the first time in 4 years! But of course this feeling will fade over the next few days when more people start to come; I'm sure of it hahaha.

A.

People.

2011-06-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Are strange, people are strange. What makes you like or dislike a person and how isit that there are so many people in this world but we go onto places like Tumblr and see that from all the countless reblogs- we're actually all alike? Similar yet different, get what I mean? Isit true that if like you're just out of step by a bit or you trust someone a little too much then your hater-pool would start accumulating? If so, then isn't it extremely tiring to even be alive?

Been thinking about such stuff these few days and well, I can't come up with an answer! Quite irritating but I guess you can't always have answers for everything can you? I wonder what everyone is thinking of, what are their thoughts and troubles and feelings. I wonder what do they dream of; their ambitions and goals. Today was weird. Met up with Wujing and on the way to meet Luc and Darius, we bumped into seniors on the bus. We had barely >20 sentences to say to each other, it was so awkward. How did it become like that?

So strange how everything's going so fast and I feel like I'm stuck in the past. So tiring to wake up each day, I wish I could sleep forever. Even then it sounds tiring.

Actually what I really want to know is, what does everyone think of when my name is mentioned. Isit all bad? some good? or people just never think of me at all? Who am I to everybody?

Blaming Hormones.

2011-06-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hate this feeling. Like every part of me is super empty. Does anybody else get this or isit just me? Feels like all the air has been sucked out from me and it's just my shell of a being. That void-how do I even explain it? I definitely think it has to do with my lack of hormonal imbalance or something to that effect which explains why I'm feeling so low on a Saturday night! It's supposed to be a day where I do nothing and just relax right??? What is this emptiness called? Going to google it and hope to make some sense of this shit. Definitely hormones though, I'm sure of it.
A.

Insomnia.

2011-06-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

Not a very nice feeling to get 4 hours before you're supposed to be awake. Just watched a movie and it was really sweet, like those typical happy-ending movies with a predictable storyline and very very brainless plots! But they're fun to watch I guess cause like you seriously don't have to think hahaha. Not thinking is good for me, I can relax my brain and wait to rot!

Besides rotting with movies I've been spazzing over Show Luo for the longest time ever because he really damn QT leh.

See, get what I mean??? So cute! anyway I re-did my nails today cause I was bored of the pink glitter and therefore they are now bright orange-red/salmon pink depending on the lighting. Quite happy with them cause they make my fingers so bright plus the fact that it whitens my skin cause it's a super attention-seeking colour haha. Excuses aside, I'm definitely coming to the conclusion that I have a fetish for painting nails. Love them!

Okay and lastly before I try to cure my insomnia,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIAOTONG!

Thanks for being so cool, make me cool too cause cool people have cool friends hahaha. Nah, you're just a great friend cause you're always there. And you make me a better person : )
A.

My current obssessions.

2011-06-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

Mitch Hewer

Long hair

Nude heels

I've been wanting to get nude heels for the longest time ever. They make you appear slimmer and taller because the colour is super close to our natural body colour and they're the in shoes this season! But of course I haven't had the chance to go check out which ones to get and ugh they're just super chio lah! Besides that, my current goal in life is to go for a more 淑女 feel although I personally think it's super impossible but worth a try right! And the last time I had hair that long was in primary three I think? Lastly, Mitch Hewer is perfect lah. I don't know what else I can say to make him seem even better hahaha. I totally fan-girled him by going to search for his twitter and practically stalking his timeline! The only drawback is that his world clock seems to be at least 8 hours apart from mine or something so stalking him is slowly becoming a chore hahaha!
A.

Determination.

2011-06-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

*Like I said before, I'm going to lose weight. Today is day 6 of my weight loss plan and I have come to realise the different methods and ways of losing weight and gaining the perfect body. For my goal to be realised I can safely say that all sorts of methods have been put in place and I have come up with the final three must-do steps.

1.Eat less: Inclusive of all carbohydrates, unhealthy food and no consumption of food after 9pm.
2.Exercise: Do this the smart way,if not I'll just end up piling on muscle mass and still be fat! %"%&(^&^£
3.Stretch: After watching countless shows and online research, stretching exercises still prove to be the most efficient method by far!

*If anybody actually read the above then you shouldn't have haha! It was meant for me to read and remember so that I can be determined enough to carry through with my weight loss plan. Recently everybody's been saying that I'm fat. I mean like it's true but it still sucks to hear it like that! So after the countless times of failed attempts at being slim, I'm going to do it this time. My mum said that people were just joking with me cause my reaction to this matter is amusing but actually what I want to say is, don't. Makes me feel like I'm a walking piece of lard and it's fucking sad lah...! So yes, determination x100000 from now on.
A.

Unreasonable.

2011-05-30T05:19:00.000-07:00

It's unbelieveable. I told my dad this morning that I was going to start losing weight and then just because I had chips just now he scolded me. The most ridiculous shit I've ever seen seriously. He told me that he can't trust me because I said I was going to jian fei but now I'm eating chips. What does my dietary plan have anything to do with you anyway? And how the fuck does trust come into this equation? I seriously have no idea what you're doing. Total mind-fuck.

I secretly think it's because he's fat and he can't stand the fact that while we are both trying to lose weight at the same time- I seem to be doing a better job of it than he is. Blame age and metabolism! Super ridiculous leh, I have seriously never seen an argument like this.
A.

Losing weight.

2011-05-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

Amazing how she can go from 176 Ibs to 146.5 Ibs within months and she wasn't even fat to begin with!

Last night I went out with Pb and gang and on the way to meet them I had a 30 min talk with Pb and he was repeatedly asking me to lose weight. Made me super self-conscious so yes I'm going to lose weight from today! Taking baby steps but I'm definitely going to succeed okay! I think my lightest was last year during the november/december period so I'm going to relive those days, literally. Feels quite terrible that I'm not slim. I think it's the same with many people out there. I blame ballet. Nah, I'm joking haha. I blame my uncontrollable urge to snack constantly and Koi!!!!!! All cause of these things, I gain weight like a helium balloon.

So, losing weight is definitely on the top of my wants list for now; alongside nude heels, longer hair, better grades and unlimited cash. Yup, I'm definitely easy to please hahaha!

A.

Last Day, Today.

2011-05-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Finally the last day of school. Even though I technically have SDP which means I've got to go back school practically everyday, including some saturdays; I'm satisfied. It feels like I'm finally ready to work hard and prove I can do it and to show everybody that I have what it takes to make it, to be the best. I'm going to try, really try very hard so that I don't have regrets. Painted my nails a really glitzy pink today and can't help but be extremely happy about it! I figured that since I got to go school the whole holidays its the least I can do for myself as a treat hahaha. Excuses.

Speaking of treats, I've basically been camping at funshion for the whole past week just watching shows, drama series and movies. I can safely say that it's hardly even boring cause it gets so addictive after awhile you forget even that you're wasting your life hugging the computer and absorbing movie by movie!

So of course, reccomendations!

1)50 first dates: although it was out in cinemas in 2004, I've practically watched it 4 times and I can safely say it still is great!!
2)Burlesque: Christina and Cher, need I say more?
3)Transformers one and two: Megan Fox and Shia Lebeouf are like super cute! Plus all the technology is stunning!!!
4)12 rounds: Super thrilling and you'll keep wanting to know how could the gamemaster be so smart like seriously!
5)I love you, beth cooper: Hilarious! Plus nerds are all the rage nowadays!
6)Titanic: Sure cry until die :'(
7)Legally blonde one and two: Reese Witherspoon so cute! Plus so much pink in the movie, you'll be mesmerised hahaha!

Okay basically that's it but seriously these are good movies to catch. Makes you wander what you've been doing all your life when you haven't watched these yet :)

A.